Next - it ain't!

Ol' Blue Eyes was right: Chicago is a hell of a town, but only in the summer. Otherwise, I think that Frank's sentiment is a little less endearing. We're talking winter wind blowing so hard that your eyeballs freeze over. But July is a different story, and with that same wind blowing off the lake via “the summer wind, comes blowin’ in” ( sing it with me), it will put a little skip in your step. (BTW, who knew Chicago has a beach?!)

Friday, we flew out to America's Windy City not to sightsee but to dine at Next, Chef Grant Achatz latest craze, courtesy of Chicago’s Mayor (no, not Rahm Emanuel) Bill, our “unofficial” official and Midwest hero who seems to know everyone who’s anyone in Chi-town . Bill used his magic and got us a table at the hotter-than-hot eatery, and for less than the $3000 as a Google report claims some have happily paid to experience this unique concept.

(Pre-dinner drinks at Maude's Liquor Bar)

Are you familiar with speed dating? In a nutshell, it’s a fast paced approach to meeting your soul mate. The idea is that each potential partner has 60 seconds to wow you on a mini-date. After the minute is up, a buzzer sounds, signaling that person to quickly move onto the next date, while another takes their seat, and so on. It’s like musical chairs, but with a matchmaking twist. The thought behind it is clever: you have one shot to make a good impression, and whether you do or you don't, once the buzzer blares, you’ve got to pull up stakes and am-scray.


Dining at Next (get it?) was sorta like speed dating, minus the buzzer. As hard as this restaurant's menu and service tried to impress with all the bells and whistles, it fell short... in other words, there will be no callbacks. All the place was missing was a dog and pony show (come to think of it, that might have helped). The theme this month is Thai, and not to disparage Thai food, it's just not a cuisine that usually impresses on the level Next intended. But I applaud the risk Chef Dave Beran took in his attempt to do so. (Btw, if you’re looking for great, honest Thai food without the hoopla, check out either Umi Nom or the Kuma Inn Kuma Inn! Plus they're BYOB, whereas Next tells you what you’re going to drink with each course – sorry, but I'm not likin' that one bit, even more so when what is offered tastes awful OR is just plain off.)

(I think they fed us Audrey II for dessert)

Remember Kevin Kline’s character, Otto West, in A Fish Called Wanda? His reaction when he cracked open the empty safe? That pretty much sums it up for me and my experience at Next.

Next tries too hard, but as far as brilliant business models go, it’s impressive. The restaurant’s marketing is unusual but smart, with patrons buying dining tickets as they would tickets to a Broadway show. This allows knowing exactly how many overly-doughy dumplings to order; plus, if a patron doesn’t show for the Pomp and Circumstance of a meal, Accounting needn’t worry since it's paid for in advance, and with a “no refunds” policy. My guess is that we'll be seeing a lot more of these types of restaurants opening up. Let’s just hope their hype will be worth a plane ride.